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Worst Things In Life

Posted On March 8th, 2019 By Funny Jokes

One morning, a father was casually passing by his teenage son’s bedroom, when he was shocked to see that the bed was all made up and the room was all clean. Then he saw an envelope, placed on the pillow, which was addressed to the father. With a strong feeling that something wrong is about to happen, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and started reading the letter.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her tight motorbike clothings, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Harry.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Joshua’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that’s on the kitchen table. Call me when it is safe for me to come home!


Optimism vs Pessimism vs Realism

Posted On March 8th, 2019 By Funny Jokes

There was an optimist who saw light at the end of the tunnel, and believed it was an exit.

There was a pessimist who saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and believed it was a train approaching towards him.

The train conductor saw two stupid guys, shocked and surprised, walking on the train tracks.


Surprise

Posted On February 28th, 2019 By Funny Jokes

A woman comes back home late at night, and so as to not disturb her sleeping husband, she quietly enter the bedroom.

However, to her surprise, when she enters the bedroom, she sees male and female feet, peeking out from under the blanket. This really infuriated the woman.

She reaches out for the baseball bat in the corner, and starts beating the people under the blanket, furiously and mercilessly, until all the movement stops.

Tired, she heads into the living room to grasp some air. However she was shocked to see her husband, lying on the sofa, half asleep.

The husband turns to his wife and says, “Oh, you’re home, sweetheart. I’m afraid we have to sleep here tonight. Your parents came home for a surprise visit.”


Peanuts For The Bus Driver

Posted On February 26th, 2019 By Funny Jokes

There once was an old granny who brought a bag full of peanuts, for the bus driver, every single day.

The bus driver was indeed very thankful for the nice gesture. He really enjoyed the peanuts too. However, after few days he started feeling bad for the old granny. He told the lady, not to bring him peanuts anymore. He said he wanted her to have the peanuts.

To this the old granny replied, “Well, I do love peanuts, but, you know, I don’t have teeth anymore. So i just suck the chocolate around them and give you the rest.


I Am An Ugly Man

Posted On February 25th, 2019 By Funny Jokes

Throughout my life, woman have been calling me an ugly man. More than what i would have preferred to hear.

But that happens only until I tell them how much money i make.

Ha ha. Now they call me Ugly and Poor.


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