Ally Web Directory: Free Articles » Family » Infidelity: The Biggest Home-Wrecker

Infidelity can be physically intimate in nature or can include physically romantic behaviour of kissing and indulging in romantic encounters.

 

Impact of Infidelity: Either way, infidelity has the power to destroy a marriage. It goes to the core of a marital relationship and rips it apart. Marriage counsellors observe that usually people who indulge in extra-marital relationships also engage in lying behaviour to cover up the infidelity. Thus, the marriage is faced with the twin hurdles of infidelity and lying. These two roadblocks strike the chord and foundation of a marital relationship i.e. trust. Infidelity throws up a gamut of emotions on both fronts i.e. for the doer and the betrayed spouse. The former usually feels guilty and ashamed. The latter usually feels hurt, upset, angry and vengeful.

 

Social psychologists argue that such behaviour affects the personality and ego of the individual. The cocoon of the individual is shattered including the fallacy that they cannot fall a victim to infidelity. When children enter the picture, the situation becomes worse. Usually, couples tend to stay in marriage even after the discovery of infidelity on the part of a spouse for the sake of the kids. They give the impression that being unfaithful and indulging in extra-marital relationships is only a simple mistake. It is no big deal and can be ignored.

 

In such cases, infidelity is swept under the carpet. The behaviour and consequent action are ignored. But, the negative emotions still linger. They never go away. They get cemented deep inside the individual and shape the consequent marital behaviour. Usually, it has been observed that arguments and conflicts increase after a spouse has committed infidelity. Marriage counsellors sate that this happens, as infidelity is a big shattering blow to the ego and psyche of an individual. Ignoring it and pretending that it never happened is a huge mistake. It ought to be dealt with to move on. Another major consequence of ignoring such behaviour can be divorce. When ignoring infidelity, the spouse is ignoring that problems do exist in the marriage.

 

It is advisable to seek professional intervention. Professional marital counselling helps couples deal with infidelity. It guides them on the path to resurrection of their failing marriage. It is important to understand that the basis of infidelity is a cracking marriage. A spouse indulges in extra-marital relationship only when something is lacking or missing in the marriage. Thus, dealing with infidelity involves coming to terms with the actual state of one's marriage. It is finally the time to be truthful, stop blaming other people and circumstances. It is time to take responsibility and try to solve the marital issues.

 

Dealing with Infidelity: Marital counsellors are faced with a tough task. They have to hold up a mirror to the couple and make them see their true state of marriage. At the same time, they should not condone extra-marital behaviour. They have to preach forgiveness and also ensure that the doer is ashamed of his or her actions.

 

Individual Sessions: The counsellor meets with both the partners alone. The counsellor aims to get the individual's side of events. The individual has the opportunity to discuss personal emotions, perspectives, desires, goals and expectations. Usually, the individual controls the first half of the session. The counsellor is content to let the spouse talk and reveal a lot about self in the process. The counsellor then guides this introspective talk into the second phase of the session.

 

In this session, the individual is subtly forced into confronting the causes of his or her actions. The counsellor, at this point, wants to find out the reasons for the infidelity from the individual's perspective. The counsellor uses this same approach for the doer and the betrayed spouse. This session aims to uncover:

 

·          Causes of infidelity

 

·          Reasons which drove spouse to infidelity -- who is to blame

 

·          Individual emotions from the marriage i.e. disappointment and unhappiness from the  marriage

 

Joint Interactive Session: The counsellor gets both the partners together and guides the conversation. The counsellor plays the role of a neutral bystander giving out useful prompts to open and move the discussion along. This session is marked by fits of crying, shouting and hurling abuses at each other. This is healthy as both spouses are confronting and communicating with each other. The end result is realisation that the extra-marital behaviour is bad for the marriage. On the other hand, there is forgiveness. The counsellor aims to make the couple deal with the infidelity as another huge obstacle of marital life. It has to be understood and dealt with. The doer has to be forgiven. The importance and necessity of marriage have to be put forth. The couple has to realize that the cause of infidelity lay in their bad marriage. They have to fix the chinks and cracks before moving on to begin a new marital chapter.