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But after a divorce, they are lauded with a sense of guilt for having exposed their children to the negative impacts of divorce. Quite a few decide otherwise and tolerate a bad marriage for the sake of family. In the process they do incalculable damage to their children by this decision of theirs. For, bad marriages endured for long, turn children into unhappy adults.

 

How do we identify a bad marriage?

 

<b> A Bad Marriage </b>

 

The term ‘a bad marriage’ is highly subjective. A marriage that is marked with the routine woes of life is not bad at all. Every relationship involves conflict of some magnitude. A bad marriage is one that makes enduring it intolerable. The relationship might be characterised by extreme violence and abuse. Tolerance of such relationships or making an effort at conflict resolution can only translate to placing the security of oneself and the family at risk.

 

Marriages make people happy and economically well off. And, bad marriages have exactly the reverse effect. Bad marriages can be identified by the intimidating behaviour of the partner. Spouses who have a negative attitude, constantly insult or criticise erode the self confidence and esteem of their mate. Even the body language of the abusive spouse speaks volumes. If life has to turn liveable, divorce is the only answer.

 

<b> Bad Marriages Should Not Be Tolerated </b>

 

Many people feel that children should be raised in a two parent family. But, it is extremely harmful for children to be raised in an atmosphere laced with violence and abuse. Such relationships damage them for a lifetime. In fact, it would be better for children to perceive two happy adults than singularly unhappy parents trapped in a vicious marriage.

 

People should terminate their bad marriage for the sake of their family rather than endure it. Children growing in such unhappy atmosphere come to relate that marriages are bad. They lose faith in the very institution and find it difficult to develop close relationships of their own.

 

Life is meant to be lived happily. And, parents who opt out of bad marriages are preventing their children from turning unhappy adults. But, a decision to divorce requires extreme caution. A careful analysis is required to really determine if a marriage can be really termed bad. And, divorce should be sought only after all attempts at making the marriage work, fail.

 

Apart from the children, bad marriages have a negative effect on the very spouses who endure it. Marriages and the health of a person are closely related. A bad marriage makes a person sick. Age and time induce ill health but a bad marriage compound its effects. For, age along with the regular stress induced by an unhappy marriage wear a person down. People who endure a bad marriage are sicker than people who divorce.

 

<b> Marriages Can Be Worked Upon </b>

 

Some couples who had a very troubled marriage, tried to make effort at making a success of their marriage, and 8 out 10 couples were happy after a five year span. Working on their marriage made them stronger at facing difficult circumstances and they were happier than expected. And a few of the people who divorced were as unhappy as they were during their marital phase. For, in the post divorce phase, they were unable to find suitable partners. This created loneliness and such voids do lead to pain.

 

Apart from soliciting the help of counsellors if couples change their attitude and expectation of marital life, marriages can be saved. Quite frequently people expect a lot from their marriages. They are influenced by happy stories or movies that are far flung from the reality of daily life. Grinds of daily life dictate that marriages have to be continually worked upon to ensure their survival and continued happiness. And, one vital fact to be remembered is that only happy individuals can keep their mates and family happy.

 

All marriages involve conflict at some level. People in high conflict marriages should divorce if the continuation of their marital life proves a deterrent to emotional health and well being. Such a divorce would also benefit their children.