Moment #2 – Conflict - "Keep life interesting: find
conflict."
Conflict is necessary for us as human beings. We need it as
much as we need air and water. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. Sometimes
there is no defined resolution, and conflict is its own experience.
Conflict can make us break down and cry. It can also make us
happy, especially when we win a situation and are victorious. Conflict makes us
think. It keeps us alert. It makes us react, and it forces us to learn. It can
make our blood boil. Indeed, without conflict–without the possibility of
failure or the potential for triumph–life would be utterly boring.
Some examples of conflict:
Conflict in a relationship:
Conflict is inevitable when you are dating or when you are married. It
can be a minor conflict. (You and your girlfriend argue over what you’re going
to watch on TV.) Or, it can be a major form of conflict. (Your husband is an
alcoholic and has become physically abusive towards your children.)
Conflict in movies and books: Any fictional book or blockbuster movie is
packed with conflict. Sometimes movies are so full of conflict that they make
us physically tired and mentally drained by the time they are over. Have you
ever felt that way about a movie? If you have, chances are strong that you just
watched a great movie.
Conflict at work: We
might get into an argument with a colleague over the whereabouts of our
favorite pen. We have conflict when we fail to meet our customers’ needs, and
they confront us.
Conflict in sports: Competing against someone (or watching
someone compete) is one of the stronger forms of conflict. The more civilized
the society, the higher the demand for sports. Professional athletes get paid
vast sums of money because the average American has become sedated. Our culture
conditions us for a safe and monotonous lifestyle that allows for a cohesive
existence within our society. We go to work, come home, and watch television.
We pay our taxes. We live our lives in a manner to maintain a peaceful nation.
Although it works, I believe we have put our human spirit to sleep to such an
extent that we need to stare at a television and get our “conflict fix” by
watching other people compete. I don’t
see this changing anytime soon because where else are we going to get physical
conflict without the risk of breaking some law, going to jail, or getting hurt?
Whether you sit in a recliner and watch sporting events on television or you’re
actually a participant in a sporting event, sports go a long way in satisfying
our human need for conflict. Most people have very little conflict in their
lives, and their easiest solution to finding conflict is to watch sports. They
get home from work, flip on the television, and wait for “the big game” to
start.
Other examples of conflict:
You confront someone about a lie.
Your car won’t start.
Your daily struggle to wake up and get to work on time.
Aside from moral beliefs and laws, conflict is conflict.
From that perspective, robbing a bank is a pretty strong form of conflict that
will enhance your human experience to a degree that most people might never
feel. However, the repercussions of being a bank robber might not be so much
fun. Sky diving is another great form of conflict (potential terminal conflict
with the ground). Will you survive the fall, or will you squash yourself?
There are four categories of conflict:
Direct, physical conflict: a fistfight or boxing match, a
football game, rugby, a karate match, fencing, bullfighting, wrestling
Indirect, physical conflict:
a baseball game, soccer, horseracing, a marathon
Indirect, mental conflict:
a game of chess or checkers, an argument, the game show “Jeopardy”, a
video game
Conflict with yourself:
disciplining yourself not to buy that donut every morning on the way to
work, telling yourself not to call your ex-boyfriend, telling yourself not to
drink, disciplining yourself to study for that upcoming math test, biting your
tongue when someone you love says something hurtful
I think most people define retirement as conflict free: no more boss, no more driving to work, no
more deadlines, no more alarm clock. I have a different perspective. By
eliminating work and the opportunity for the conflict work brings with it, I
think we are potentially cultivating a sedated lifestyle. If anything, retirement
should mean that it’s time to experience the type of conflict that is most
appealing and most challenging to ourselves. It’s the time of our life where we
get to choose the situations that will rattle us the most.
Conflict is a necessary part of the human experience.
Eliminate it and life becomes about as exciting as a piece of toast. If you
want to keep your life interesting, here is the answer: find conflict. Hopefully you can find
conflict that is not life threatening yet still has an element of loss/triumph
attached to it. Then again, maybe life-threatening conflict is the best way to
go.
The next part of this article series is titled How To
Improve Your Quality of Life by using the Seven Moments - Moment #3
