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Divorcing couples cite different reasons for their decision. The most prominent among them is explained below.

 

 Men Divorce because of Sex

An analysis of the most common reasons as to why UK married couples divorce reveals that men divorce because of sex or the absence of it.  In other words:

 

a)       Extra-marital affairs or

b)       Lack of sex at home
 

Causes for Extramarital Affairs

 

Extra marital affairs occur when intimacy dies down in a relationship. Caring for the children and holding a job leave the spouse with little time for communication. Communication deprivation leads to reduced intimacy. This deficiency drives men away from home. They search for fulfilment outside marriage. The excitement and associated risk in this venture appear novel and challenging. This also provides them an escape route from marital boredom.

 

Some men commit adultery seeking revenge. They are hurt by deficit attention. This behaviour of the marital partner induces deep rage. And adultery is perceived as the right punishment.

 

Extramarital Affairs are Easily Forgiven

 

Adultery is most often excused if, only men confess, which they rarely do. When the spouse discovers the affair, it fills her up with grief-filled rage lasting many days. The betrayal of the trust reposed in the partner is shattered.

 

The pain is exaggerated by the fact that adultery destroys the self-confidence of the victimised spouse. It is not uncommon to feel that the erring partner was driven to commit such acts.

 

This feeling spurs the victimised partner to forgive and work harder at making the marriage last. But, extramarital affairs repeatedly indulged in cannot be forgiven. Constantly erring partners are divorced.

 

Lack of Sex at Home

 

Lack of sex at home has deeper implications. Emotional distance destroys sexual interest in women. This is a blow to the sexual self-perception of men. To prove that they are still attractive, they seek attention outside the peripherals of marriage. Winning the admiration of the other women enhances their self-confidence.

 

However, no single factor is ever responsible for the existence of extramarital affairs. A combination of factors working together drives men and women outside marital boundaries.

 

Women Divorce for Money

 

While men commit adultery and divorce for sex, women divorce for money. Marital friction begins with financial issues. 70% of the couples argue about money or the lack of it.

• Like sex, monetary issues, too, are associated with deeper underlying causes of friction. Money represents power, self-confidence and freedom. The lack of it creates a reduced feeling of self-worth in the non-earning spouse. The marital spouse embodying money power automatically tries to gain control over the financially dependant spouse. This leads to friction and ultimately divorce.
• Money also represents security and women crave for it. The lack of enough financial strength leaves women feeling vulnerable. They need money to ensure the future of themselves and their children.
• Money and its power are perceived differently by men and women. One of the spouses may be a spendthrift while the other loves to spend. This is a friction-creating discrepancy.

Majority of the divorce petitioners are women and they divorce for financial reasons. Money is the leading causative factor for divorce in the first marriage. Second marriages fail due to children from the first marriage.

 

Expectations from Marriage

 

Men want sex and women want money. This basic concept holds good even today. As already mentioned, men want good communication, intimacy and the feeling of self-worth that is represented by sex.

 

Women want money for the security, power and freedom it entails. In other words, both men and women have high emotional expectations from a marriage.

 

Every human is imperfect. Men marry seeking understanding women who would show them the path to success. Women marry men, seeking protection from unrevealed fears.

 

A marital life fulfils all these expectations only if both the partners work hard at making the marriage a success. This is where all the divorcing couples fail. They expect their spouse to automatically fulfil all their requirements without realising how unreasonable they are.