A man walks into a library and approaches the librarian. He asks, “Excuse me, do you have any books on Pavlov’s dog and Schrödinger’s cat?”

The librarian thinks for a moment and replies, “It rings a bell, but I’m not sure if it’s here or not.”

The man looks at the librarian, puzzled, and asks, “What do you mean?”

The librarian responds, “Well, according to Schrödinger’s theory, the cat could either be alive or dead until we observe it. So, until we check, the book could both be here and not be here at the same time.”

The man, impressed with the librarian’s explanation, says, “Wow, that’s pretty deep. I guess I’ll just have to take a chance and look for it myself.”

As he’s walking away, the librarian yells out to him, “But don’t forget, if you hear a meow, it’s probably not a book!”

A man walks into a bar with Polly the parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks at the man and says, “What’s with the parrot? You can’t bring pets in here!”

The man replies, “Oh, he’s not just any parrot. He can talk and he’s actually really smart. He knows lots of jokes and can even hold a conversation with you!”

The bartender, intrigued, says, “Okay, I’ll bite. Let’s see what this parrot can do.”

The man sets the parrot on the bar and says, “Alright, Polly the parrot, show the nice bartender what you can do.”

The parrot looks at the bartender and says, “Hey, buddy, do you want to hear a blonde joke?”

The bartender rolls his eyes and says, “I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

But the parrot persists, “Come on, I promise it’s a good one! Okay, here it goes: Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?”

The bartender, not wanting to encourage any offensive humor, replies, “I don’t know. Why?”

The parrot responds, “Because she heard the drinks were on the house!”

The bartender groans, but the man and the parrot burst into laughter. The bartender, feeling a bit frustrated with the parrot’s antics, says, “You know what? I think it’s time for you and your Polly, the parrot to leave.”

As the man takes the parrot off the bar and begins to walk out, the parrot looks back at the bartender and says, “You’re just jealous because you can’t tell a good joke!”

The man can hardly contain his laughter as he and the parrot walk out of the bar, leaving the bartender stunned and speechless.

A teacher in a third-grade class asks her students to draw a picture of their favorite animal. After a few minutes, she looks at the drawings and sees that almost all of the kids have drawn a picture of a dog, cat, or horse.

One student’s drawing catches her eye, however. It’s a picture of an animal that she’s never seen before. She asks the student what it is, and the student replies, “It’s a duck-billed platypus.”

The teacher is impressed and asks the student to tell the class about the animal. The student says, “The duck-billed platypus is a mammal that lays eggs. It has webbed feet like a duck, a bill like a platypus, and a tail like a beaver.”

The teacher is fascinated and asks the student where he learned about the duck-billed platypus. The student says, “I made it up.”

One day, a man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts jumping around the bar. The bartender asks the man what’s up with the monkey and the man explains that his pet monkey loves to play pranks.

The bartender thinks it’s amusing and decides to play along. He pulls out a jar of peanuts and tells the monkey that he can have as many peanuts as he wants if he can tell him the capital of the United States.

The monkey looks puzzled for a moment and then suddenly jumps on the bartender, rips off his shirt, and starts giving him a noogie while screeching “I don’t know! I don’t know!”

The bartender manages to push the monkey off of him and orders the man to take his monkey out of the bar. The man apologizes and leaves.

A few weeks later, the man walks back into the bar with his pet gorilla. The bartender, still a little sore from the previous encounter, asks the man what’s up with the gorilla. The man explains that the gorilla loves to play pranks too and promises to keep him under control.

The bartender decides to give it another shot and asks the gorilla to name the capital of the United States in exchange for a jar of peanuts. The gorilla looks thoughtful for a moment and then suddenly jumps on the bartender, rips off his shirt, and starts giving him a noogie while screeching “I don’t know! I don’t know!”

The bartender manages to push the gorilla off of him and orders the man to take his gorilla out of the bar. The man apologizes and leaves.

A few weeks later, the man walks back into the bar with his pet elephant. The bartender is absolutely livid and demands that the man take his elephant out of the bar. The man begs for one more chance, promising that the elephant is very well-behaved and won’t cause any trouble.

The bartender reluctantly agrees and tells the man that if the elephant can name the capital of the United States, he can have as many peanuts as he wants for the rest of his life.

The elephant looks thoughtful for a moment and then suddenly grabs the bartender with his trunk, lifts him up in the air, and slams him against the ceiling. The bartender falls to the ground, dazed and confused.

The elephant then uses his trunk to rip off the bartender’s pants, exposing his underwear. He looks at the bartender’s underwear for a moment and then says, “You know what? On second thought, I don’t think I want those peanuts after all.”