A woman comes back home late at night, and so as to not disturb her sleeping husband, she quietly enter the bedroom.

However, to her surprise, when she enters the bedroom, she sees male and female feet, peeking out from under the blanket. This really infuriated the woman.

She reaches out for the baseball bat in the corner, and starts beating the people under the blanket, furiously and mercilessly, until all the movement stops.

Tired, she heads into the living room to grasp some air. However she was shocked to see her husband, lying on the sofa, half asleep.

The husband turns to his wife and says, “Oh, you’re home, sweetheart. I’m afraid we have to sleep here tonight. Your parents came home for a surprise visit.”

A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago” the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.

“No, I don’t waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!”

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”

The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.”