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Church Men Got A Message For You

Posted On July 5th, 2016 By Funny Jokes

Two church members were going door-to-door through the neighborhood and they finally arrived at Mrs. Smith’s house.

She was not pleased to see them. She snubbed them with an attitude that made it clear she had no time to waste on them or their religious messages.

So she banged the door in their faces. However, to her astonishment, the door sprung back open. She caught it, slammed it again, but the same thing happened!

Swayed that the man must be sticking his foot in the entranceway, she reared back the door to slam it hard enough to teach him a lesson, when he cried,

“Ma’am, before you do that again, you really should move your cat!”

Assisting The Elderly

Posted On July 5th, 2016 By Funny Jokes

A bloke writing at the post office desk was approached by an elder fellow with a postcard in his hand.

The old gentleman politely said, “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you but could you address this postcard for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can’t even hold a pen.”

“Certainly sir,” said the younger bloke, “I’d be glad to.”

He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a little message and sign the postcard for the man.

To conclude, the younger man asked, “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”

The old fellow thought about it for a moment and said, “Yes, at the end could you just add,

‘P.S.: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing.’”

Devil In The Church

Posted On July 5th, 2015 By Funny Jokes

The Satan himself appeared before a small town congregation. As soon as the people therein saw the Satan, everyone started screaming and made a run for the front church door, trampling each other in an effort to get away.
The Satan stood there and watched them run. Soon everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat as calmly as one can.
Satan amused by this old man, walked up to him and asked, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years. Nothing scares me now”.

Funny Tongue Twisters

Posted On July 5th, 2015 By Funny Jokes

  • Don’t trouble trouble, until trouble troubles you! If you trouble trouble, triple trouble troubles you!
  • A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug back.
  • A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
  • Double bubble gum, bubbles double.
  • How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
  • How many mounds would a groundhog pound if a groundhog pounds hog mounds.
  • If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
  • Top chopstick shops stock top chopsticks.
  • Swan swam over the pond, Swim swan swim! Swan swam back again – Well swum swan!
  • I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
  • Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper. Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled pepper? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, Where’s the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?
  • She sells sea-shells on the sea-shore.
  • A good cook could cook good!
  • The big black bug bit the big black bear, but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
  • I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish. but, if you wish the wish the witch wishes i won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.
  • If you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.
  • How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
  • A maid named Lady Marmalade made mainly lard and lemonade. M’lady lamely never made a well-named, labelled marmalade!

What Husbands Need To Know?

Posted On May 30th, 2008 By Funny Jokes

A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago” the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.

“No, I don’t waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!”

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”

The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.”

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