A bloke writing at the post office desk was approached by an elder fellow with a postcard in his hand.

The old gentleman politely said, “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you but could you address this postcard for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can’t even hold a pen.”

“Certainly sir,” said the younger bloke, “I’d be glad to.”

He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a little message and sign the postcard for the man.

To conclude, the younger man asked, “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”

The old fellow thought about it for a moment and said, “Yes, at the end could you just add,

‘P.S.: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing.’”

The Satan himself appeared before a small town congregation. As soon as the people therein saw the Satan, everyone started screaming and made a run for the front church door, trampling each other in an effort to get away.
The Satan stood there and watched them run. Soon everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat as calmly as one can.
Satan amused by this old man, walked up to him and asked, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?”
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years. Nothing scares me now”.

A 85 year old man went to the Dr.’s office to get a sperm count.The Dr. gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the old man reappeared at the Dr.’s office and give him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day . The Dr. asked what happened and the old man explained…

“Well Dr. it’s like this – first I tried with my right hand but nothing then I tried with my left hand but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help, she tried with her right hand and then with left hand but still nothing. then she tried with her mouth first with teeth in and then teeth out. But still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First with her both hands then with her armpit and she even tried squeezen’ it between her knees,but still nothing.”

The Dr. was shocked ,”you asked your neighbor?” The Old man replied “Yep, and no matter what we tried ,we still could not get the jar open”